Fog

I hate this during winter times ,its so foggy ..everywhere there is fog .I feel this is smog . It drives everyone crazy. It's so cold and you have to be extra caeful when you drive. I keep watching out of my cab window and become overcautious when our drive speeds up .

I wish to see sunlight soon so let me go to my hills . Atleast i will find some snow there with no fog.
Its very hard to survive in such conditions. I really feel sad when I think how my parents live there and really wonder how I lived there all my childhood.

Anyways , I wish to go to home soon and I am really happy that I am getting married and going have a good inlaws and can travel frequently to my place. And I know this new year I will soon join a good PG college and will again be a student.

To remain healthy is quite tough

Hey not for most of the people but for the people like me . I am constantly ill . This year I was tired,lacking energy and in pains. What a contrast , I used to be a healthy athletic girl going for basketball practice at 5:30 .Waking others at the same time for jogs and walks .

No ,this cooperate life has not taken a toll over me. Its my laziness and its my lack of will.

I feel so bad at times when I remember that I suffer from procrastination .I think I need a right realization which is here only. I need to work hard and think about my goal .

Merry Xmas

Hey its Christmas time ....a festive season you feel so good abt everything. You are in a good mood.
Yummy cakes around the corner and new year to look ahead.

Heartbreaks...

My results have started coming . And it is a heartbreak time....

Lost Posts...

I again lost my posts ,this is the third time that it has happened. And it was all my mistake.
I will be careful from next time. Today my motu has a presentation and thats a competition and thats matters because prizes are laptop and ipods .
And I asked him to win a lappiiee because soon I will be resigning from my job and for my PG I would require a laptop . I have to separate from this company's laptop which I always hate when i carry it home but I dont take into consideration all good it brings to me.
There are so many songs. In evening when I go home i switch on this lappie and dance on the tune.
My whole word list and formulae was there. And net , all the net I do form home . All expenses are of company .

However I was feeling some low from the last few days . Still the situation is the same . But now I will be strictly be following all the necessary and the desirable things and yes i will strictly follow.
I dont make excuses because all the times I admit its my mistake but now things should move one step ahead.

I have learned a lot during my offical years and have seen that things should be addressed in specific way and should move ahead . It means we should grow in a process .

So, I am ready to improve and will categories the areas for which really need improvement .
Yes , now more hard work is required and I am ready for this .

Things moving so frequently

Yesterday we want to the marriage of my school friend .
There were other few childhood friends who also came . It was fun ,yes it was. Ritu and I were the early birds shivering in cold. We passed out times on snacks. We were actually waiting for soup and the waiter with colddrink kept on coming. Anyways , we had to wait for an hour for soup and corn .
The soup was not worth but corns were. Still there was so much to eat that we didint have corns again .

There were many sweetdish . As now I am looking for the caterer for my marriage, I know how much per plate cost would be . The arrangement was good and we had a good time .
And yes there I met up with ex. I would nt write "my-ex".The talks were usual and the best part is that I didnt once think of the previous moments and to say it cleary I dnt remember any previous moments. Yes ,if I dig hard I will remember that.

Its not that I now want to potray that so goddiee goddiee abt P. Its just that I didnt see myself imaging not a single time of any past events. And all those who think I am telling a lie (waise nobody reads my blog)..I am not .

And you know what I wore for the party my 3 years old worn jeans and my coat which only I think is good (my friends think it needs a drycleaning) and my boots.
Yes boots were the possession that was going to change my all look and infact they did . They made me look smart. Infact I am cute and sometimes categories as beautiful but there was no smartness like thing attached with me . And infact I never tried hard on my looks. I never care what I am wearing as long as I dnt receive a blunt reposne abt my dressing sense from my friends. Ohterwise , I love to dress smartly rather than beautifully . Love to get complements when ppl call me smart. I believe cute and beautiful is what is God given . One should thank your ancestors and your parents rahter than flying high in the clouds but I appreciate SMART girls.Yesterday I was watching a song from the movie garam masala and there was a dark girl ,short hair in white dress (in a song) and god she was looking smart . Had she been living the way I am no one wud have noticed.( I dnt claim that I enjoy things even when I dnt care for myself). So, its there in my mind that I will definetly put an extra effort for my SMARTNESS TAG.

My world ..

My world is very simple and beautiful . Dnt destroy it in the name of religion. It has beautiful faces ,vibrant energy ,smiles and yes a spirit. Dnt try to hamper thsi spirit . You may try to control it for a day or two but it will again come back . Meanwhile dnt destroy it ,stay away from it . And if you want to make your voice heard leave innocent ppl but do something creative. It might take less hardwork than what you have invested in planning the plot for bombs.

Mumbai will again regain with more momemtum . But now you be aware . Its enough . You have taken our silence as our cowardness. We wont tolerate you any more. So be aware.

How much time do I need..

When I was studying for my exams I used to feel that I am missing my hobbies. Everything was so hectic that I was not able to follow my heart. I used to feel bad a lot .And then it was decided that during the gap I am going to follow my heart. Now i have hte sufficent time but it needs a brave heart to get our at 5 early in the wnter morning from you quilt.

My heart still wants to rest and sleep like it has never before. It was quite tiring for me but I have utilised the exams time also . I slept at that time also . Now I will have to show the sourage and follow my heart again . The only activity that i am doing is dancing . yes , I have started reading fiction also but now i yearn to look at some management books. Not from interview point but becuase I want to learn how this business works.

:)

Now jus see how the things going to fly . I have many exams to give and prepare for the marraige also . The first thing I did is to get a FEMINA having marraige tips and since then I havent opened it. I was never look conscious. I really dnt know whether I will be able to make my big day special ..

Back ...

Now I am back after my long holidays. I have few exams still left and I believe next year I will know from where I am going to MBA. People have asked me various questions esp. whether I go to study for 2 years after marriage . Sadly but yes I have to go .

Anyways , now I have few other goals to acheive. My tummy is still not flat and there is no excercise that I am doing . And the time is skipping . Anyways I am an optimistic fellow.And yes , i will resume writing,I dnt have specific scheduled for the new year and lets see how this life moves on .

I am going home

I love this thing ,this phase actually when I pack my bags and go to my hills. The place where I belong. Its not much heard but its beautiful . I am lucky to born in that town .I believe everyone love the place where they grew up . Exceptions are always floating.

Anyways ,I am actually going home for so long for my exams preparation . So ,it wil be studies and fun . I have to rediscover life in many ways. I have to be more confident . My father once said when I was preparing for competitive exams that you lack confidence and how furious I became .
I sometimes feel he was right . Did I say sometimes errrr it was most of the times.

I am really not confident in my speaking ,abt my actions and espp about myself.
So ,while reading this book I also thgt of implementing things in my life. So from now I am going to say this thing all day long ,will consider myself full of confidence and very hard working . Let me wait for the changes what I want to see in me.

Good Morning

Today I had a call from office and I woke up early and since then I couldnt sleep .
Well I will entering in a new phase jus few months left. A journey till here has been good but I think I need to put more efforts now. I am a lazy fellow but my heart wants to be active .
I think now a true desire has come within me to work hard. Work hard for anything I desire ,to wake up and keep working .
I hope I will be doing things in a more determined way .

Missing people

What a heck !!! I have not called few important persons of my life for so long. Hey I do call parents ,my bro ,pokhi and all my college and school friends but I have not called Naniji for long.
Yes , i do get an update about her but still I should also call her . So ,I called her today and yes she too was suprised :) then suddenly when cleaning my closet I found two cards. One was of Pokhi and other of my dear bro Manu . I read his two page letter written to me . I was too emotional .
I called him but he did nt pick the call . Now poor me ,missing these chaps dearly and thinking how can i lose my brain and forget these important people.

Anyways things are little better now .And I have few things which I have to acheive .
I have decided to blog all those things and also my progress.

So my finishing date will be January last and targets are:
1) Clear MBA exam . Yes this is my final try .
2) Have a real flat tummy .
3) Speak like Obama
4) Dance like Karishma (that serial one).

So , all I have to do is to work and excersie and read a lot . I know I can speak good ,if I have confidence on a subject so i believe to nuture my brain with knowlege.

Will keep the short targets . I know now I will burn myself.

1,2,3 gear up

Its not that I dnt write . For the past two times when I submitted my post ,it showed an error and all was lost. I think there should be protection against losing work .
Well ,this time I will be careful . I have no updates all I do is office and come home .Sometimes I study and other times I am always in depression.
Pokhi says that this is a very good excuse of not studying. But now only 40 days are left for th exam season and today I was wondering that I haven’t ever worked over something with a feeling of competition . I never studied in 10th as one more person is there competing with me and same for 12th . So was in college.
But this time I will be wordly wise . I will sweat from now onwards and with a feeling of competition .
And yes , I will write more this time with all my progress till I go to my town where speed really sucks.

Happy

I had a blast whole last week. It was a party time,going to movie,shopping,enjoying aloo pranthas ,tikki and many other enjoyable events, I finally gained one or two kilos and got my cheeks back .
Now my face is all shinning again and I feel lot more healthier and happy now. My blues are far around the corner and ther is no fear when they will return . May be they can pounce me in another moment but still I am not afraid. I am not thinking of it now .

So,what all takes it to feel happy :
1) A visit to parlour and make yourself all clean of unwanted hair.
2) A massage which I never experienced once I grew up .
3)Few outings,light movie,good novel ,no television ,a walk ,tikki-panipourri ,chaat .
4)To shoo away the villan that come to your little heart and makes you realise how cruel the world is .
5)Above all to have a good partner ,friend or your parents.Some one who listens to your woo .
They dnt advice you ,jus listen to you .

You feel a lot better after all this and OH LORD!!! what about my adrak ki chai and maggie , they have to be there with a crackle .

Thats all make a life ,you dnt need more :)

IMPROVEMENT

A lesson I can learn so easily now a days .I am ignorning things and making others and myself unhappy by my desires which are actually not mine. I crib and crib all day long. Have you checked my lappie bag ,it is filled with so many unwanted things which I dnt clear. I brood over negativity and remain there all time long.
Then I crib about everything and its a vicious circle . I am determined to come out of it . And I know I am going to come out of it soon.
Life is not hard but the effort to change your attitude is the more hard .And I am writing this column because I am determined to change this attitude of mine . Now I am going to work hardest to make things go my way and I am am quite determined to acheive what I want from life .
There will be no unachived dreams . There will be walls but my determination will be stongest .
So ,the most important thing is having the most positive outlook in life.
Be determined to solve this issue and be determined to see your dreams in realtiy.

You know it happens ...

The more you work towards your dream the less you can concentrate else where and less you are rated. It hurts at times but this is what they say as risk taking. I am sure I will get out of this dilemma soon .

God let me also progress........

Everyone is making large. People are getting nomination and moving to higher level .
its gr8 that everyone is progreesing . I might also get this postive touch and fly high .

Lady luck please keep your hand/wand whatever you have over me .

It here

Yes , i know its here in the mind all now I have to is to follow this . I have to think positive and be rhapodise . I should think that my every dream is possible and all I have to do is to set my mind for this particular mind frame .... a positive mind frame . I have to say that yes it is possible and yes I am going to make this happen in a very beautiful way.I will put all my efforts and all my dreams

Coincidence

I was thinking about my life ,my failure and the time left till I give the next exam .
I am motivated this time . I am not feeling the tension in my life. Because I know that I can still make up a mark by my hard work .

And here I got a mail which I think I should paste that will keep motivating me whenever I feel depressed::

Keep the Spark

Inaugural Speech by Chetan Bhagat for the new batch at the Symbiosis BBA program 2008.

Good Morning everyone and thank you for giving me this chance to speak to you. This day is about you. You, who have come to this college, leaving the comfort of your homes (or in some cases discomfort), to become something in your life. I am sure you are excited. There are few days in human life when one is truly elated. The first day in college is one of them. When you were getting ready today, you felt a tingling in your stomach. What would the auditorium be like, what would the teachers be like, who are my new classmates - there is so much to be curious about. I call this excitement, the spark within you that makes you feel truly alive today. Today I am going to talk about keeping the spark shining. Or to put it another way, how to be happy most, if not all the time.

Where do these sparks start? I think we are born with them. My 3-year old twin boys have a million sparks. A little Spiderman toy can make them jump on the bed. They get thrills from creaky swings in the park. A story from daddy gets them excited. They do a daily countdown for birthday party – several months in advance – just for the day they will cut their own birthday cake.

I see students like you, and I still see some sparks. But when I see older people, the spark is difficult to find. That means as we age, the spark fades. People whose spark has faded too much are dull, dejected, aimless and bitter. Remember Kareena in the first half of Jab We Met vs the second half? That is what happens when the spark is lost. So how to save the spark?

Imagine the spark to be a lamp’s flame. The first aspect is nurturing - to give your spark the fuel, continuously. The second is to guard against storms.

To nurture, always have goals. It is human nature to strive, improve and achieve full potential. In fact, that is success. It is what is possible for you. It isn’t any external measure - a certain cost to company pay package, a particular car or house.

Most of us are from middle class families. To us, having material landmarks is success and rightly so. When you have grown up where money constraints force everyday choices, financial freedom is a big achievement.

But it isn’t the purpose of life. If that was the case, Mr Ambani would not show up for work. Shah Rukh Khan would stay at home and not dance anymore. Steve Jobs won’t be working hard to make a better iPhone, as he sold Pixar for billions of dollars already. Why do they do it? What makes them come to work everyday?

They do it because it makes them happy. They do it because it makes them feel alive. Just getting better from current levels feels good. If you study hard, you can improve your rank. If you make an effort to interact with people, you will do better in interviews. If you practice, your cricket will get better. You may also know that you cannot become Tendulkar, yet. But you can get to the next level. Striving for that next level is important.

Nature designed with a random set of genes and circumstances in which we were born. To be happy, we have to accept it and make the most of nature’s design. Are you? Goals will help you do that.

I must add, don’t just have career or academic goals. Set goals to give you a balanced, successful life. I use the word balanced before successful. Balanced means ensuring your health, relationships, mental peace are all in good order.

There is no point of getting a promotion on the day of your breakup. There is no fun in driving a car if your back hurts. Shopping is not enjoyable if your mind is full of tensions.

You must have read some quotes - Life is a tough race, it is a marathon or whatever. No, from what I have seen so far, life is one of those races in nursery school. Where you have to run with a marble in a spoon kept in your mouth. If the marble falls, there is no point coming first. Same with life, where health and relationships are the marble. Your striving is only worth it if there is harmony in your life. Else, you may achieve the success, but this spark, this feeling of being excited and alive, will start to die.

One last thing about nurturing the spark - don’t take life seriously. One of my yoga teachers used to make students laugh during classes. One student asked him if these jokes would take away something from the yoga practice. The teacher said - don’t be serious, be sincere(My aim-Mady). This quote has defined my work ever since. Whether its my writing, my job, my relationships or any of my goals. I get thousands of opinions on my writing everyday. There is heaps of praise, there is intense criticism. If I take it all seriously, how will I write? Or rather, how will I live? Life is not to be taken seriously, as we are really temporary here. We are like a pre-paid card with limited validity. If we are lucky, we may last another 50 years. And 50 years is just 2,500 weekends. Do we really need to get so worked up? It’s ok, bunk a few classes, goof up a few interviews, fall in love. We are people, not programmed devices.

I’ve told you three things - reasonable goals, balance and not taking it too seriously that will nurture the spark. However, there are four storms in life that will threaten to completely put out the flame. These must be guarded against. These are disappointment, frustration, unfairness and loneliness of purpose.

Disappointment will come when your effort does not give you the expected return. If things don’t go as planned or if you face failure. Failure is extremely difficult to handle, but those that do come out stronger. What did this failure teach me? is the question you will need to ask. You will feel miserable. You will want to quit, like I wanted to when nine publishers rejected my first book. Some IITians kill themselves over low grades – how silly is that? But that is how much failure can hurt you.

But it’s life. If challenges could always be overcome, they would cease to be a challenge. And remember - if you are failing at something, that means you are at your limit or potential. And that’s where you want to be.

Disappointment’s cousin is frustration, the second storm. Have you ever been frustrated? It happens when things are stuck. This is especially relevant in India. From traffic jams to getting that job you deserve, sometimes things take so long that you don’t know if you chose the right goal. After books, I set the goal of writing for Bollywood, as I thought they needed writers. I am called extremely lucky, but it took me five years to get close to a release.

Frustration saps excitement, and turns your initial energy into something negative, making you a bitter person. How did I deal with it? A realistic assessment of the time involved – movies take a long time to make even though they are watched quickly, seeking a certain enjoyment in the process rather than the end result – at least I was learning how to write scripts , having a side plan – I had my third book to write and even something as simple as pleasurable distractions in your life - friends, food, travel can help you overcome it. Remember, nothing is to be taken seriously. Frustration is a sign somewhere, you took it too seriously.

Unfairness - this is hardest to deal with, but unfortunately that is how our country works. People with connections, rich dads, beautiful faces, pedigree find it easier to make it – not just in Bollywood, but everywhere. And sometimes it is just plain luck. There are so few opportunities in India, so many stars need to be aligned for you to make it happen. Merit and hard work is not always linked to achievement in the short term, but the long term correlation is high, and ultimately things do work out. But realize, there will be some people luckier than you.

In fact, to have an opportunity to go to college and understand this speech in English means you are pretty darn lucky by Indian standards. Let’s be grateful for what we have and get the strength to accept what we don’t. I have so much love from my readers that other writers cannot even imagine it. However, I don’t get literary praise. It’s ok. I don’t look like Aishwarya Rai, but I have two boys who I think are more beautiful than her. It’s ok. Don’t let unfairness kill your spark.

Finally, the last point that can kill your spark is isolation. As you grow older you will realize you are unique. When you are little, all kids want Ice cream and Spiderman. As you grow older to college, you still are a lot like your friends. But ten years later and you realize you are unique. What you want, what you believe in, what makes you feel, may be different from even the people closest to you. This can create conflict as your goals may not match with others. . And you may drop some of them. Basketball captains in college invariably stop playing basketball by the time they have their second child. They give up something that meant so much to them. They do it for their family. But in doing that, the spark dies. Never, ever make that compromise. Love yourself first, and then others.

There you go. I’ve told you the four thunderstorms - disappointment, frustration, unfairness and isolation. You cannot avoid them, as like the monsoon they will come into your life at regular intervals. You just need to keep the raincoat handy to not let the spark die.

I welcome you again to the most wonderful years of your life. If someone gave me the choice to go back in time, I will surely choose college. But I also hope that ten years later as well, you eyes will shine the same way as they do today. That you will Keep the Spark alive, not only through college, but through the next 2,500 weekends. And I hope not just you, but my whole country will keep that spark alive, as we really need it now more than any moment in history. And there is something cool about saying - I come from the land of a billion sparks.

A day back

Something worst must have happened because how can you expect someone to write twice in a day for a blog. As my net is not working I will be transferring this to my blog tomorrow.

So here I am sitting wondering where I am moving? Why such petty things bug me so much that I refuse to look at the sunlight and draw curtains. Let me accept the fact that I have turned pessimistic and that I have to really take steps to control things happening to me ,.So the best way to make yourself as the priority of Universe . Your aim as the greatest aim that cant be stopped even if there is drastic situation .

I really love myself and that I cant criticize myself just because I spoke for my opinion . I will speak whenever I feel people go in a wrong way . And yes when all these things are done I don’t have to repay all the situation in my real life.

I promise to myself and I know this time this is not the same promise as before . I promise to keep my promises ,to be more disciplined and to work hard hard and hard and do it not to prove good in front of other eyes but I want to fulfill my ambition . And let me put full stop to all my career question and now make a plan what after MBA.

Have confidence to clear CAT this year. And yes I will start working like I had never worked before . So , I will get early and change the mindset in my mind. Woek hard and just work hard. I love you Soniya . All I know that I am the best and yes I can do many things that people not even thing about.

VENTING MACHINE

Will writing help me tp vent out the feelings. All that I can do is :
1) To shout loud.
2)To slap this idiot person who has an opinion about everything.
3)Just to stop thinking about this thing and carry on my work .
I think third is the good option. But yes i will talk about this .
This is for all those ppl who have an opinion abt everything and that turns out to be a negative for everyone. Why do ppl notice others so much and why they always behave as they have a right to decide what to wear and what not to wear.

They can go to any extent in giving their views and sometimes i think they cross certain boundaries.I wish they keep their mouth shut and let think from others eyes.
This world is relative and we should respect others opinion and their point of view.
But I think I should leave this topci here only .

I have a future to think abt and I cant rescue my life for some stupid ppl .

A new outlook

I want to get a new outlook . May be for my blog , this thing is applied.
I was really happy with the black colour but now I think that this black is dominating everything.
Life has to be colourful and cheerful so here I stand to make efforts to have things better . Today inspite of the cold I feel little cheerful and feel like starting the studies once again.
Now I will make efforts and this effort is to prove that I am worth something and my hard work is going to result in something.

I know that I have to be best again.

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

I am gettin it all wrong..i mean everything is going wrong...I am nt workign hard and dat is my serious trouble....

I am still trying but nt satisfied

U know the things are nt pretty hard ,I am making it worse for myself ...My zeal is gone I am a stupid person who now looks ahead for the reason to cry and to cry to hard. So ,here I am again at the threshold .

I am really fed up with the mess I create in my life. Fed up with my false promises and with my lack of hardwork . I am again standing at the threshold. I know the only way I can be happy is by finding a seat in the some managment institute . And I should overlook all other things be it comments from the people or anything . All I want is to work and clear the exam .

So thats a final committment . If I have to work ,I will work in a very positive way .
I swear this is a challenge and I am going take it in a very beautiul way that I will be proud of myself.

So here I begin my journey...:)

What really I want .....

I want to know what will make me happy .... a cup of tea,aloo parantha, rain outside,my hometown,good song coming in radio.Yes these sounds tempting ,especially at this phase when things are tight for me .When I want to go shopping,feel the rain ,keep sleeping during my weekends ..but have no rest on weekends ,its all class,its paper ,its maths,VA and DI ...
So i have thgt to make this subject little intersting.

Let me now dnt work but make this task intersting.Make my lessons exciting,take challenge to keep up the work . Nowadays I have started working...but I stop whenever I feel restless and my problem is that I am always restless..So here is that I have to improve...

So to make them exciting, first of all I have to enjoy them and change my mind frame...
So here I stand again to enjoy the journey so that i can enjoy the end.

My challenge will be to complete my task first and keep raising the mark of my performance.
And this is for a year only and I want to enjoy this phase...my enjoyment phase ....

I have to shun my sleep and work little harder for a year and i can enjoy all these things .Also my tea,my sleep can be a gift for me ...and I will make sure I gift myself after a week ...Nowadays I keep showering the gift to myself in a duration of 2 days . So my next showering will nt be till I reach Yashika's place.

Attitude Change...

One thing I need to do now is to change my attitude...
Office work is also my priority. I will make sure I change my attitude a little .....:)

Feeling low....:(

Today I am feeling so low , I had a little discussion with person but it was a fair discussion I dnt know why the ohter person spoiled her mood....I went and talk to her but there are negative vibes coming...ufff ....................Sorry to say but i will say I am not enjoying the day ....I want to enjoy,be happy ,make my life better...and I know all these things are in my mind only which is hampering my thoughts...

So ,let me be happy now.Let me try to forget whats bad and worst,there are so many other things that I have to follow......I will follow it properly .....

You know I am such a girl ,who never used to take any person seriosuly,no matter how derogatory comments ppl used to say ..Now I think I have started taking ppl seriously and those ppl who really make my days worse...

They have an opnion abt me for everything,you cut your hair short,you acheived so less in CAT,we consider you as duffer and you shop from sarojini,lajpat ..yuk ...we wont ever go there ..my nephew went wid me and he wanted to leave that place immedialty and so many yuk yuk about my choice and the best part is that i have received compliments over the top I chose from sarojini...:) is it an irony ....

Anyways ,they think me as such a duffer person and on the other hand considers themselves as super intelligent,they have opinion abt everything,love to flaunt there gold and diamond jwellery and wants us to give them a compliment for even a bangle (gold ) which they are wearing ...i hardly notice such things....there are so many other things.....

Hey ,is this going to be any good for me....Will it help me anywhere ...What are my dreams ,will I am going to acheive them ,yes i know that i luv to experiment on me ...luv to wear good clothes and try differently...i have tried clips and broad hairbands in office...

And i think I can judge myself better then any one else ,I fetch compliments for what i try and i think dis much is enuf to get confidence and even if nodoby gives me any compliment I shud be less shatered...

I love being dress up on my own ....Ok so here I write about some positive things abt myself and why I shud keep on fighthing and not spoil my mood...

1) I am working so hard ,each day i come home and study ,dnt watch movies on weekends but go to class on stautrday and sunday ....and den cum back and study ..
I have got no holidays ..How many ppl do ever have such guts to work for their dreams ...I am earning so good that i hardly have to burn myself like this but I do ...bcoz i want something better..

2) I inspire ppl who work hard ,pray from them sincerely and try to help them....in my case i see ppl making fun of my failure knowingly or unknowingly.....hum nein toe bina paree CAT diya tha aur hum 80+ layeee..this was on the day I got CAT result...

3)I give sincere compliments to ppl and aprreciate everyone..Yes i dnt overrate or underrate anyone..for me everyone can do any job ,i jus ask ppl to stop giving their views...

4)I am considerate...I never ask for favours ....I make sure that i dnt hurt anyone or ppl dnt have to work even extra for me....

5)I call my parents often and I want them to have a very good life....I will make sure that they get their best...

6) I am sincere in my realtionship ....I trust ppl and rely on their words....

May be results are not so good this time but now i will make sure that I learn from my mistakes ...

I will enjoy this journey and right now I have three aims in my mind and I will make sure i acheive it on time........:)

How is it going???

These days are quite boring in office...we dnt have much work .....our managers are gone to France(anyways I was never afraid of them )....but I keep on mugging words,reading a novel and preparing...I dnt know how far it may go or will it be last year ..a merely 60 %ile...Anyways I am not thinking about this now.It s not that I am too confident to crack and go in IIMs ...it that these things of failure haven't occured in my mind..I know these are going to come one day ....

But Now I wil give it a full shot..I am going to motivate myself ,keep looking for good scores in Test Series...I will note down what all things are required and I will make sure that I will daily follow these...no matter wat happens ,no matter how low I feel ,I will continue to work hard in a logical way and I think this is more important to work in logical way and I will make my mind to study .I will enjoy the process ,every process......:)

My Asset...:)

My hardwork is my asset.Yes there are other things also which help me keep going.My positive attitude ..However even if my attitude fails as it has done in the last few days ,atleast I have my hardwork with me.So ,here again this is a testing time where I have to prove myself.And let me enjoy this journey ..a journey full of sweat ,hardwork,no enjoyement after office,studying late night,getting early in the morning,shunning all entertainment...I believe it is more enjoyable than sleeping without a goal ..its hte time when more than a few hour sleep results in guilt....Its not that last time I didnt do all these things,I had worked hard but there was depression..there was no hope,no result ,every other exam was more patheic than the previous one...

I am nt deny the fact that the same can happen at this moment also .But let it happen,all I think now is of a target ...A target which is going to become true and i will bask under its golory...
I know I have to work more harder ,complete all assingments and prepare for the day ...

So here I go and yes this time I will enjoy the journey ...... :)

Emotions

I am running with emotions of different kind....However I have to composed myself and work towards my goal .Yes there will be talks about my engagement and marriage but I will work hard more during that days ...So ,here I have decided to work with all my potential to th emost important zeal of my life.I vow to rise above the medicore level .I vow to strive for the best and I vow that I am going to enjoy my journey to the end.

So ,from today onwards i wont overlook things. I will be more discplined. I will folow my timetable and no matter what happens I m not going to crib . I am going to work hard and hardest. I shine when I am hardest hit and will remember that it takes an attitude to get out of a situation and I am going to make sure that I really get out of it.

Changes

Hey I have to change few things about myself...and that is my EQ factor...i am too emotional ...emotional to a dearth...i can carry over things..even when i have to present my point of view I am turning emotional ....emotional and emotional ...when I try to expalin something I again become emotional ...anyone can feel it from my voice...I am going to change this thing...Yes I have one more ething to work about.....:)

A tinge of excitment...

I am going pretty ok thi stime..I dnt feel like I am missing the journey of CAT...
I am putting efforts from my side.But yes ,a definite plan is still that I have to make ...
Things are falling in place but I now need to do it with 100% dedication till JULY..and yes I am going to do .Today I am going ot prepare a plan for weekend and then I will make sure that I acheive it ...Ok let me break it into smaller parts ...so lets plan till JULY and no matter what happens I will be quite strict myself during that phase...
Also ,I will make sure that I remain on diet during this phase (expect pokhi's time )and excercise everyday ...especially tummy :) ...and yes I will take time to read the newspaper everyday....:)so done raha JULY tak ..

I am working ....

i feel quite good...i am now working out for CAT... i have joined the classes..however i am not totally offtrack ...yes i will try much harder now...and i hope i acheive :)

CROSS ROAD

I am crying ..yes at 30'clock in the morning I am crying and i believe this is my favourite hobby.
I need to train myself a lot.i need to build myself strong ..it wont be in some future but it will be now.Today i had a discussion with pokhi abt marriage..Yes he supports me lot in everything but he wants a marriage in April next year...right now I think I am not preapared.....yes i will be 26 but that doesnt mean i am prepared for marriage...I agreed for engagement in October but marriage so early ..a serious no ..its not that I dnt want to get married..yes I want ...but i need time for my marriage..I need time for preapartion also ...and if I get a call for interview i will be preocuppied with those calls...and I believe for marriage we have to do all preparation beforehand...i always wanted to be an organiser in my marriage....but I think it wont be possible...anyways he was upset and said you keep on preparing for MBA as if he knows my result will be 60 % again....

Does this scare me ....NO ..not at all ...Does this mean I will comfortably accept 60 %..I am not sure but I hate this attitude of mine...Oh i follow Gita..Do your karma and dnt worry...dis is actually helping me to go no where..i remember how hard I slogged last year and then I console myself after shattering few tears....i hate this ...And I am no where going to achieve anything with this way of mine....

I need to change..and yes I will change ....Now I have a target and its a serious target ..any good Business School ..no compromise ...and a good percentile...
And I am sorry pokhi you are doing an emotional blackmail but let me first concentrate on studies. then on my marriage....sounding too hard...but i know I wont be able to enjoy my own marriage then where is the fun......
And yes like pokhi,saju and others there will be many ppl who dnt have faith in me ...its not hurting me ..not even a bit..I think pokhi is definelty there....but now its my turn again and let me utilise this time...

I am now strict to myself..no extra sleep .no kwel weekends,no movies,no gap shapp ,also no chocs,icecream,mango,less rice.....and let me orgainse myself by tomorrow and do a strict follow up....

I swear...

I came again to you ,because what I am feeling right now ,I want to jot it down....Its not that I will forget but this is an amazing feeling...I was reading few pagalguys' CAT's journey.Now I am really motivated.I am also going to make my journey and will write about my CAT journey with the three victory sign..they all do in their posts when there is an acheivement...

I know there is something that I dreamt last year and I scored so low that that I consider it next to impossible to dream abt IIM ...i think i wrote about how I am mocked by ppl ....I am really scared inside ..a different feeling comes to my mind when I think about IIM..then I thought to lower down my goal to any good B-school but now I jus want to challenge myself...yes i know I am 25 and age matters a lot in IIM ..my expiernce is increasing but now I am loving to dream against the tides....
to have a dream for IIM.....let me again hope ..so here I am with hope in my heart ,making a journey that my mind still considers as imposible but I begin......

Progress

Do I have to give a daily report ,check for the scale....and I think I can do it weekly ...because I am not sure about daily.....I woke a little late today but I did my KAPAL BHARTI...more than 500 times..i will increase it to 1000 times and do other excercise also....YOGA only ....When i will be INDIA I will resume my walks and yes I will make sure that I eat less of fat...

I can avoid more rice,butter (which is there always ),anything sweet accept two times tea here ,maybe I can stop tea in InDIA...i will sure make an analysis on the food that I am takign in INDIA...
As far my studies are concerned ,i will give an hour to QA during night and for vocab I will complete Q today ....

Will check for new ideas and how to improve....

HOPE

Hope is a good thing,probably the best of all the things and no good things ever die.....
These are not the exact words but near abt the words as spoken in SRedemption...
So my journey is starting from HOPE....and I hope to achieve my dreams by October as after that they have no meaning. Two of them ....it means I have to be disciplined ,strict to myself and dedicated to my goal...So i start something from tomorrow...
I will make a timetable for tomorrow and a rough sketch of the goals that I have to achieve...
Meanwhile I have to restrain from certain things,a little diet should be there...Let me make a list of all before i sleep ....Let me come tomorrow with a hope that I dnt disrespect my life...:) I want to be happy in the end and this is how i feel I will be happy.....

A great opportunity

I checked my profile views(i am not sure what does it actually mean) but for me it is the number of people who walk in to your blog...and for me its only me in this blog...I think my blog is still private so it is an opportunity to write freely ..even pokhi doesnt has a link of this...and i wont be giving him ...i think its a way i can keep my dreams alive...I can easliy access it from office,home...it is jus like my personal diary (personal coz no one haunts this place :) )....

So,I have been quite unfair to life...i sleep ,eat and read a little..i know this is not the only thing to do...i have to work hard...i have repeated this umpteenth times...YES i have toooo..but i read blogs,novels,eat maggie and sleep hard...not serious about my job (performing ok ok in job)..
Now i feel quite guilty about how things are going on ..I feel too dissatisfy with myself..and yes agahst how I was mocked by few office ppl for my low score in CAT ...(but i really put loads of efforts..)..its not that I am shattered...actually I have learned something but not applying...it's as good as not learning anything....

Inspite of many efforts,I am again the same girl....There are few things which I really like to change about myself....
1)My attitude: I dont take life seriously.i dont believe in competition...that's why I lag...and no one is my enemy...hahaha...I m considered as a medicore ...dere is nothing wrong with it but I jus plea to myself jus to try and even if your rank doesnt improve its ok ...but dnt sit like this lazy fellow.....and cursing ppl,time,yourself for the circumstances ...nothing is going to change until you try to take the sterring ....And the worst part that I have noticed abou myself is that I have started cribbing...i become emotional sometimes...i think ppl are hurting me,their words are directed to me...oh my god....I was the girl who never listens to other's thinking (esp abt me) and now their indirect comments, their harmless mockery is hurting me,they say something about my dress,i reply against them and if somehow I can't give them a reply I either cry or complain abt that fellow to pokhi....dis is not acceptable....Dear winnie this has to be changed...and as I write my blog,I will change this attitude....I know how can i get away from this...I jus keep working..if you can work hard its ok jus work ...on the things that matter most to you ....Your addmission,your body (dnt forget you have to wear a beautiful lengha on your engagement),your English...(Yes my English...its not to bad ,its good I should say ) ...but I want to improve it ...I want to use good vocab in my language and good sentences...now bland English wont do for me....
2)So honey ,the basic is all WORK...(hard work ...???) .It is this thing that is going to change your attitude...will give positive feeling to me...and yes I will set few milestones for myself...I am not sure but I am getting engaged in October...things will be more clear when i go back to INDIA...but I will wear a good lengha with chollii (ofcourse lenghas are worn with chollis only ..)
but I have a big tummy...a paunch that comes out everytime...I am 51-53 kgs...5 ''3 ' its ok ...but i will reduce 4kgs and especially around my waist...i will slog again..i had worked hard with kapal bharti..and achieved a lot....however I gave a break and it showed at my tummy...Don't forget you used to wake up around 4:30 to attend YOGA CLASSES at 5:00...so you can do it again....

YES....So here's my challenges and through this blog I am going to monitor myself...
1)You have to wear a langha in which your waist is visible in your sagahiii....
2)During that time you have to work for CAT also...after getting a poor 60percentile...the task is much more tougher...
3)I will improve my spoken and written English....(there is no such deadlines ) but I want to see the change in October.....
Now my blog is living a dream..err 3 dreams....So here I work...will return soon to give some good advices from my 25 years of experience....

Things which are forgotten

I think i have changed a lot since my college time....how many of us ..i dont know....i feel unhappy a lot....not because of my relationship,my job(can be)...but i have become so pessimistic....i dont have good dreams or should I say I take my dreams for granted....i dnt enjoy the present moment and think abt future...if this thing happens...the sad part is that I was never like this before...something has changed ..otherwise how on earth I have become like this ..anyways....the one thing that i have to be serious is abt BEING SERIOUS.....yes ,I think I am not serious or I take things to lightly .....I let others take the fruit,I dont feel jealous of others...(dnt take it otherwise..) I mean there should some healthy competition....bcoz that is going to make me more producitve...and yaar i dont even take a little bit of credit....let others snatch it...(i know there are rare incidents) but shudnt I??
Ok for this credit thing NO...but for competitive things yes..........Now its 2.5 years of experience..not a joke dear....and yes you dbt take your job seriuosly....work little but work worth ....anyways now i have decided ....I will live for my dreams,work like the way I have previously work (hard) and if I need to work harder than any of the previous time I am ready ,I wont be lazy in keeping room clean ,study and many other things......
I will improve and will make sure I realise my dreams with in a time limit.....:)

unnnnnnnnnnhhhhhhhhh

i am nt happy....i wrote such long post and this stupid wifi connection it got disconnected...nyhing is saved..god you can't be so cruel to this little girl......

not feeling sleepy....

I have completed my second novel ...:) not feeling sleepy ...its already 2 o'clock.....may be pokhi will be waking up in manila....:) its nice when you sleep someother person in the world rises ...something is always hapening..and what if you dnt want to sleep(nt big deal someother person doesnt want to wake up ).....anyways i was asked by pokhi to write something so i thought of dropping by...i haven't written anything for so long and its really bad for a person who luvs writing...now a days i read a lot ...i read ppl's blog and i have become constant companion of few blogs....
sometimes i really want to express myself and then i think this is so public...but as no one visits me so its safe...so i will write .....but not now someother day.......

Some relief

Now i have some relief......i am not working this weekend....oh i donated my money to others :(...no issues ...i will recover and make new plans.....ok i need to make new bcoz i don't remember my old ones....i am missing pokhi too but he cums online n chat ....its very expensive to call abroad.....:(
why don't they drop the international charges also ......anyways he is jus there for another 2 months and i don't have to worry so much ......

i feel so free bcoz its friday ...i luv this evening bcoz tomorrow is saturday .. now i have to start my own shopping.....why on earth i didn't buy few formals when i went out with pokhi ..now i have to take an auto in this hot summer and then go for shopping.....but i have to do it.....

i was busy buying top for me......leave it ...apart from it i have to go to bank ....i hate my bank Stand C ....it doesn't provide a good service ...i will surely move to ABN AMRO ........anyways ...i have to prepare a TO DO list.....aslo recover fully......and wat else......oh my god ..i m developing a craving for chocolates.....no dear i have to reduce a lot and i can't eat anything.........that is not recommended ......hey but i was bimaar for last 4 days...i should be allowed...ok but not more than one...even i feel having chat....oh god had pokhi been here i would have asked him now to take me to such places.....i can't afford to walk so far......oh wat a poor girl i am ...

My desire.......

I have few desires....hey dnt get confused with those lusty desires....i desire many a things but i have never worn tank tops....bcoz of my pounch ....it never allows me drape me in my desirable clothing.....its nt dat i m fat ...its dat i have a pounch that refuses to go ....but dear i m a tough girl ...i won't stumble....i will tuck you inside and wear all my desirable attire....so i fix a date...ok by October.....i have plans to execute but i wont reveal until my secret mantra is successful

i wonder

I feel big don't get confused with mature ,its nt weight also ....big means i feel i m 25 ..have passed the silver jubilee of my life and there are many interest of mine that are not still experienced....I spend 9hrs of my day in office, thinking abt my company ,its goal ,its income and I get a salary to make a living.....ok for an IT professional salary is good in this country but my heart weeps for few of the desires, which are still not touched......i want to do things again ......little things but have my heart on them ..... as the time passes by i wonder when am i going to do it.....its not only my job that is refraining me but my HABITS.......

Contribution...

I have bought a digi cam ...SONY CYBER SHOT...now i will put few pics in my blog also....today we had a healthy discussion abt lot of general issues ...IIM fees hike,our contribution to society(what are the different ways we can help others)..many ideas came up ....blood donation, funding orphanage, visiting old home care ...and then we discussed abt how to help an accident victims....it will be great if from these things we make even .000001% contribution to society....:) all i want is there should be smiles everywhere.....:)

Books...

I have read a lot in last few months......now my hands are on The Kite Runner....have heard a lot abt it ...hope it turns out to be good.....my last book was MARLEY and ME ...for all dog lovers....i was literally crying in the end......

I love my blog ....

My blog is plain and simple, no flashy touches no ostentious display ....only simple things written sometimes....I really love when I write something....We all want to pour our emotions, our desperation, our happiness, our anxiety ....and what a great way to egress...jus write ....write and feel happy....I have jus returned from office...didn’t switch on the television but simply decided to check the blog...in the background some good songs are going on and i jus finished my tea...I have my laptop and typing...what a JOY...
Today it was a good day ,we carried out few things ,satisfied few Customers...but still I have become little careless...(I dnt know where my mind is when I carry out certain operations.)...I don't day dream but it can to pressure at job ....eeeeeeeeeee...I want to break free.....even though I have just returned from my parental home ...i want to visit my parents again ...be there for the time as much as I can be there...I know my country will soon progress and we will have good opportunities at small places like mine....I really want to be a strong force behind my country progress... like TATA....anyways if not that big I will surely think to change something....we are hardworking people and we deserve to be happy ....
and i believe this is the unrest that kills me daily ...I have to think beyond, think how can I execute the plans...
anyways I know I will do it.....but I feel little anxious when I introspect myself when I see what I have achieved after my college....ok I have got the best job and its quite good technically and that was what I wanted to do when I was in college ,a job that requires brainstorming....but now when I have a wider vision I am dying to broaden my horizon....I was not able to qualify my PG exams last time but somewhere down my heart I feel I will achieve it this time...all i need to do is keep analyzing myself and keep introspecting...and the guilt will make me work hard......God i need your help also ..w/o which I can't do anything.....I hope you are reading my blog GOD..

WEEKEND IS ALMOST OVER!!!!!!

They fly like anything and hardly stay with me ...they are my weekends....unhhhhh saturday is coming to an end and if I wake till night I will rise so late in morning and then my sunday will be gone......During this coming week I am going to have a hectic life....:( ...many people of our team are going for training....one going on leave and it we will be only two ppl managing the whole work ....I know its going to be a nightmare ....but anyways we have to be prepared for that ...also I can't decide whether I should go home this HOLI ...or not.....My mom wants me to come but I won't be getting enuf holidays.....and also I have to be start my studies once again.....I feel an aversion for that ...but I know I will soon start...may be today ..

Too much of everything

I am on the same road ...not improved much ...I have fixed so many deadlines for myself that i don't remember for what all things I have fixed those...hehehehhe..anyways I am quite regular with my jogg ...but I can't wake up early ....we had an employeeship session and they asked five things you want to improve in your life which you think can improve your life....i dnt have to ponder much for that ...i simply wrote if i wake up early....i sleep a lot ....from 10pm to 6:30 am and that too because i have to catch my office cab ....i m finding new ways to improve myself...asking friends abt their routine so that i can feel the competition ...However I am still the same...i want to wake up early and go for a jog.....so that in evening after coming home I study something....anyways ..one thing was going right in my life...my walk...and now that too i have become irregular..but i will do and let me write down a date.....will continue....

Things will move fast …they just have to be completed on time to keep myself with the pace. I used to write a diary and now I hardly attend my blog. Today I saw a puppy ,black in colour,maybe a month old,quite frightened.Eventhough I love dogs ,I didn’t touch him but gave him a bread piece which he refused. He was really frightened, I thought it will be the best to leave him there. I live with my cousins. They are demanding their mom for a dog but they won’t take a street dog. Anyways I would have taken him (uhhh…I am also not sure) but he was really cute.

I had a busy day . I don’t even remember that it was a weekend. Anyways I have to study .And there are few other goals that I have to achieve. This time I will keep a deadline and follow it religiously. Yes I will do it . Yes I will do it.

I cooked

Today i cooked "pulao"...i knew how to cook it because I have seen my parents cooking it ,however its different when you start preparing. I was guided by my buaa. She taught me abt various spices to make it good.We poured lots of ghee in the beginning(this is not godd for my waist line) ...anyways i prepared it ....so I have to eat it....My cousins said it was OK but my buaa is always ahead in praising. I received a lots of compliments from her but I knew she wants to encourage it.Anyways now I know how to cook it . I will learn more about various other dishes from her. I am now looking forward for a new book to read. Let this day passes smoothly.......:)

KNOWLEGE

On the last two days we had a training on Employeeship...
They reminded us what we all know. There were new learning,discussion,heated arguments,games and much more.....We were 20 people and majority were not even intersted in WORKSHOP...everything was looking hypothetical to the people present there...
Anyways we all contributed and promised her that we will bring a change in the method we work...
They asked us about the habits that we want to alter...I wrote 1) Sleeping for long.... I am just on time for every thing..my morning rituals,my office but i want to wake up early and introspect myself...I am not demanding ..i want to live a qualtiy life and i believe that this is quite important....This was what taught in the work shop also .

They aslo taught us to be assertive and start saying NO ...I can't do it.....This is really impossible for me....only even I really hate some fellows ....and I can't hate everyone...
But i believe we should get one day rest after all this ...nowadays my schedule is very hectic...

But the best thing is that I go on jog and read novels for an hour....i also cleaned my cupboard...but when am i going to study ????

A first step

Today I am quite happy.I went for a walk and resisted my temptation to eat sweet.Its not that I follow strict diet but I have restricted myself from all such things for certain period. I know I will be successful in this . I am determined to carry this from now onwards. There are also certain things that I have to do . I hope by tomorrow I complete most of my tasks. I will go shopping tomorrow. Sunday should generally be a relaxed day but as I was busy today I will try to complete my chores and get some sleep.

I slept and have woken up

Yes ....I slept a lot yesterday .......and in the morning i again felt like sleeping more ....everyday when i wake up I grudge NO OFFICE TODAY ..I WILL TAKE A LEAVE TODAY. .(.then i think of informing my boss....and then i get up from bed and say to myself someother time honey)....i have many things to complete but time is flying...feb is almost flying..and i cant wait for more rest..I need to work now...i think i will start jog and yoga soon,it will keep me fresh ...and i will write my next blog only if i do yoga or go for a jog...

Sleep

This time I can't keep my eyes open for long...i want to go home, put off my shoes and land on bed....i want sleep ...its really painful to look at watch and more upsetting not to find a single progress in time...i m not an insincere employee but sometimes it happens with everyone (dis is what i believe....i m not the sole sufferer not the sole gainer...i am a cute rat in this rats' world)...so i have decided to blog....my manager is frequently visiting our cubicle area (godddd this is the thing i hate most abt this job....to pretend even you dont have enough work)...i can't have a tea also (i have promised myself to check tea intake, have twice a day ...morning & evening )...they have such a high sugar content.. washed my face sixth time (my face dryness is increasing..no effect on sleep)...even seeing others doing work is not motivating me ...now i have decided finally if joel(my manager) comes again he will find my head down ....only five minutes have passed from the moment i started....i can't continue......i want to sleep....Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Today I burned lots of calories....not gym but walk ....like other mornings ....I started off towards the bus stop.It is 15minutes journey to reach that place...then after a long wait for the cab ...i called my colleagues....what!!! cab has not reached the first pick up point...i felt cheated,devastated by the colleagues....(in this techno savy world none cud deliver me a sms )...anyways returned home.. 15 minutes ..tried to console myself....all sorts of optimistic messages.....stay kwel...and then i thought i had to take hair wash which I avoided in morning because of cold,now i have sufficent time,I immediately searched for dryer..without that, it will take me long to dry my hair..(I have quite long hair...that sometimes fetches me appreciation)...GOD is it turning to be a bad hair day...finally in another 10 minutes..located it...had my hair wash,dried it,tried a different hair style (a large hair band with open hair)....then got a message that cab will be arriving soon..(thank god they called me now)..another walk ...but no worries.. i am burning my calories...decided to say it's ok even if nobody messaged me (it was really hard to say )...However when boarded the cab ...volley of apologies ....i said IT'S OK (in the same tone I was practising)... I was happy with myself...I received a lots of compliments on my hairstyle...I turned a bad hair day into a good hair day....