I am working ....

i feel quite good...i am now working out for CAT... i have joined the classes..however i am not totally offtrack ...yes i will try much harder now...and i hope i acheive :)

CROSS ROAD

I am crying ..yes at 30'clock in the morning I am crying and i believe this is my favourite hobby.
I need to train myself a lot.i need to build myself strong ..it wont be in some future but it will be now.Today i had a discussion with pokhi abt marriage..Yes he supports me lot in everything but he wants a marriage in April next year...right now I think I am not preapared.....yes i will be 26 but that doesnt mean i am prepared for marriage...I agreed for engagement in October but marriage so early ..a serious no ..its not that I dnt want to get married..yes I want ...but i need time for my marriage..I need time for preapartion also ...and if I get a call for interview i will be preocuppied with those calls...and I believe for marriage we have to do all preparation beforehand...i always wanted to be an organiser in my marriage....but I think it wont be possible...anyways he was upset and said you keep on preparing for MBA as if he knows my result will be 60 % again....

Does this scare me ....NO ..not at all ...Does this mean I will comfortably accept 60 %..I am not sure but I hate this attitude of mine...Oh i follow Gita..Do your karma and dnt worry...dis is actually helping me to go no where..i remember how hard I slogged last year and then I console myself after shattering few tears....i hate this ...And I am no where going to achieve anything with this way of mine....

I need to change..and yes I will change ....Now I have a target and its a serious target ..any good Business School ..no compromise ...and a good percentile...
And I am sorry pokhi you are doing an emotional blackmail but let me first concentrate on studies. then on my marriage....sounding too hard...but i know I wont be able to enjoy my own marriage then where is the fun......
And yes like pokhi,saju and others there will be many ppl who dnt have faith in me ...its not hurting me ..not even a bit..I think pokhi is definelty there....but now its my turn again and let me utilise this time...

I am now strict to myself..no extra sleep .no kwel weekends,no movies,no gap shapp ,also no chocs,icecream,mango,less rice.....and let me orgainse myself by tomorrow and do a strict follow up....

I swear...

I came again to you ,because what I am feeling right now ,I want to jot it down....Its not that I will forget but this is an amazing feeling...I was reading few pagalguys' CAT's journey.Now I am really motivated.I am also going to make my journey and will write about my CAT journey with the three victory sign..they all do in their posts when there is an acheivement...

I know there is something that I dreamt last year and I scored so low that that I consider it next to impossible to dream abt IIM ...i think i wrote about how I am mocked by ppl ....I am really scared inside ..a different feeling comes to my mind when I think about IIM..then I thought to lower down my goal to any good B-school but now I jus want to challenge myself...yes i know I am 25 and age matters a lot in IIM ..my expiernce is increasing but now I am loving to dream against the tides....
to have a dream for IIM.....let me again hope ..so here I am with hope in my heart ,making a journey that my mind still considers as imposible but I begin......

Progress

Do I have to give a daily report ,check for the scale....and I think I can do it weekly ...because I am not sure about daily.....I woke a little late today but I did my KAPAL BHARTI...more than 500 times..i will increase it to 1000 times and do other excercise also....YOGA only ....When i will be INDIA I will resume my walks and yes I will make sure that I eat less of fat...

I can avoid more rice,butter (which is there always ),anything sweet accept two times tea here ,maybe I can stop tea in InDIA...i will sure make an analysis on the food that I am takign in INDIA...
As far my studies are concerned ,i will give an hour to QA during night and for vocab I will complete Q today ....

Will check for new ideas and how to improve....

HOPE

Hope is a good thing,probably the best of all the things and no good things ever die.....
These are not the exact words but near abt the words as spoken in SRedemption...
So my journey is starting from HOPE....and I hope to achieve my dreams by October as after that they have no meaning. Two of them ....it means I have to be disciplined ,strict to myself and dedicated to my goal...So i start something from tomorrow...
I will make a timetable for tomorrow and a rough sketch of the goals that I have to achieve...
Meanwhile I have to restrain from certain things,a little diet should be there...Let me make a list of all before i sleep ....Let me come tomorrow with a hope that I dnt disrespect my life...:) I want to be happy in the end and this is how i feel I will be happy.....

A great opportunity

I checked my profile views(i am not sure what does it actually mean) but for me it is the number of people who walk in to your blog...and for me its only me in this blog...I think my blog is still private so it is an opportunity to write freely ..even pokhi doesnt has a link of this...and i wont be giving him ...i think its a way i can keep my dreams alive...I can easliy access it from office,home...it is jus like my personal diary (personal coz no one haunts this place :) )....

So,I have been quite unfair to life...i sleep ,eat and read a little..i know this is not the only thing to do...i have to work hard...i have repeated this umpteenth times...YES i have toooo..but i read blogs,novels,eat maggie and sleep hard...not serious about my job (performing ok ok in job)..
Now i feel quite guilty about how things are going on ..I feel too dissatisfy with myself..and yes agahst how I was mocked by few office ppl for my low score in CAT ...(but i really put loads of efforts..)..its not that I am shattered...actually I have learned something but not applying...it's as good as not learning anything....

Inspite of many efforts,I am again the same girl....There are few things which I really like to change about myself....
1)My attitude: I dont take life seriously.i dont believe in competition...that's why I lag...and no one is my enemy...hahaha...I m considered as a medicore ...dere is nothing wrong with it but I jus plea to myself jus to try and even if your rank doesnt improve its ok ...but dnt sit like this lazy fellow.....and cursing ppl,time,yourself for the circumstances ...nothing is going to change until you try to take the sterring ....And the worst part that I have noticed abou myself is that I have started cribbing...i become emotional sometimes...i think ppl are hurting me,their words are directed to me...oh my god....I was the girl who never listens to other's thinking (esp abt me) and now their indirect comments, their harmless mockery is hurting me,they say something about my dress,i reply against them and if somehow I can't give them a reply I either cry or complain abt that fellow to pokhi....dis is not acceptable....Dear winnie this has to be changed...and as I write my blog,I will change this attitude....I know how can i get away from this...I jus keep working..if you can work hard its ok jus work ...on the things that matter most to you ....Your addmission,your body (dnt forget you have to wear a beautiful lengha on your engagement),your English...(Yes my English...its not to bad ,its good I should say ) ...but I want to improve it ...I want to use good vocab in my language and good sentences...now bland English wont do for me....
2)So honey ,the basic is all WORK...(hard work ...???) .It is this thing that is going to change your attitude...will give positive feeling to me...and yes I will set few milestones for myself...I am not sure but I am getting engaged in October...things will be more clear when i go back to INDIA...but I will wear a good lengha with chollii (ofcourse lenghas are worn with chollis only ..)
but I have a big tummy...a paunch that comes out everytime...I am 51-53 kgs...5 ''3 ' its ok ...but i will reduce 4kgs and especially around my waist...i will slog again..i had worked hard with kapal bharti..and achieved a lot....however I gave a break and it showed at my tummy...Don't forget you used to wake up around 4:30 to attend YOGA CLASSES at 5:00...so you can do it again....

YES....So here's my challenges and through this blog I am going to monitor myself...
1)You have to wear a langha in which your waist is visible in your sagahiii....
2)During that time you have to work for CAT also...after getting a poor 60percentile...the task is much more tougher...
3)I will improve my spoken and written English....(there is no such deadlines ) but I want to see the change in October.....
Now my blog is living a dream..err 3 dreams....So here I work...will return soon to give some good advices from my 25 years of experience....

Things which are forgotten

I think i have changed a lot since my college time....how many of us ..i dont know....i feel unhappy a lot....not because of my relationship,my job(can be)...but i have become so pessimistic....i dont have good dreams or should I say I take my dreams for granted....i dnt enjoy the present moment and think abt future...if this thing happens...the sad part is that I was never like this before...something has changed ..otherwise how on earth I have become like this ..anyways....the one thing that i have to be serious is abt BEING SERIOUS.....yes ,I think I am not serious or I take things to lightly .....I let others take the fruit,I dont feel jealous of others...(dnt take it otherwise..) I mean there should some healthy competition....bcoz that is going to make me more producitve...and yaar i dont even take a little bit of credit....let others snatch it...(i know there are rare incidents) but shudnt I??
Ok for this credit thing NO...but for competitive things yes..........Now its 2.5 years of experience..not a joke dear....and yes you dbt take your job seriuosly....work little but work worth ....anyways now i have decided ....I will live for my dreams,work like the way I have previously work (hard) and if I need to work harder than any of the previous time I am ready ,I wont be lazy in keeping room clean ,study and many other things......
I will improve and will make sure I realise my dreams with in a time limit.....:)

unnnnnnnnnnhhhhhhhhh

i am nt happy....i wrote such long post and this stupid wifi connection it got disconnected...nyhing is saved..god you can't be so cruel to this little girl......