CROSS ROAD

I am crying ..yes at 30'clock in the morning I am crying and i believe this is my favourite hobby.
I need to train myself a lot.i need to build myself strong ..it wont be in some future but it will be now.Today i had a discussion with pokhi abt marriage..Yes he supports me lot in everything but he wants a marriage in April next year...right now I think I am not preapared.....yes i will be 26 but that doesnt mean i am prepared for marriage...I agreed for engagement in October but marriage so early ..a serious no ..its not that I dnt want to get married..yes I want ...but i need time for my marriage..I need time for preapartion also ...and if I get a call for interview i will be preocuppied with those calls...and I believe for marriage we have to do all preparation beforehand...i always wanted to be an organiser in my marriage....but I think it wont be possible...anyways he was upset and said you keep on preparing for MBA as if he knows my result will be 60 % again....

Does this scare me ....NO ..not at all ...Does this mean I will comfortably accept 60 %..I am not sure but I hate this attitude of mine...Oh i follow Gita..Do your karma and dnt worry...dis is actually helping me to go no where..i remember how hard I slogged last year and then I console myself after shattering few tears....i hate this ...And I am no where going to achieve anything with this way of mine....

I need to change..and yes I will change ....Now I have a target and its a serious target ..any good Business School ..no compromise ...and a good percentile...
And I am sorry pokhi you are doing an emotional blackmail but let me first concentrate on studies. then on my marriage....sounding too hard...but i know I wont be able to enjoy my own marriage then where is the fun......
And yes like pokhi,saju and others there will be many ppl who dnt have faith in me ...its not hurting me ..not even a bit..I think pokhi is definelty there....but now its my turn again and let me utilise this time...

I am now strict to myself..no extra sleep .no kwel weekends,no movies,no gap shapp ,also no chocs,icecream,mango,less rice.....and let me orgainse myself by tomorrow and do a strict follow up....